Benrik diaries - All about lust

Need I say I’ve been looking forward to this week. Just look at the name of my blog for Gods sake.


LUST

When I first thought about it, it made perfect sense. Of course the church would be against anything having the slightest thing to do with sex.
Condoms, handcuffs, strap-ons, stay-ups and get downs.

But really now...
Why wouldn’t the church be interested in people fertilizing? It secures future generations and believers, so how could that be a sin?
Fact: If the Catholic Church were against sex, they wouldn't be against the use of condoms - the church wants us to make more babies.

So, I figured that maybe they didn’t mean sex-related stuff, perhaps they were talking about other things we lust for - jobs, food, recognition, gadgets and even on good days life itself. Perhaps I should spend the day content, satisfied but joyless with an I-don’t-wanna-do-nothing-mood? A bit like a Buddhist monk sitting under some tree somewhere.

I felt confused and I felt worried.

I decided to wiki the thing.

• Lust (Latin, luxuria) (fornication, perversion) —
Obsessive, unlawful, or unnatural sexual desire, such as desiring sex with a person outside marriage or engaging in unnatural sexual appetites, or depraved thought and unwholesome morality. (Dante's criterion was "excessive love of others," thereby detracting from the love due to God). Associated with the cow and the colour blue.

Things where easier than I thought, every sexual act done since I lost my virginity has been unlawful and probably shows an unwholesome morality according to church-standards.
So task well done since every moment lived afterwards are moments in sin. Well that is until I confess and say that I’m really, really sorry.
I wonder if that would that give me my virginity back?

Anyway, yesterday I didn’t plead guilty.


Question: Would you like your virginity back?

Benrik diaries - Gorillaman always there... Never surfed!

Friday somebody decided to jump in front of the subway we were on, putting a damper on an otherwise perfectly good Friday.
It made me sad.

On Friday my master also tried selling me to my other colleges behind my back, none of them wanted to buy.
I’ve had better times. Like when i went to Bounty island, dived for seashells and had pinâ colada straight from a coconut. That was a pretty good day.


Speaking of tropical paradise... I found this guy hanging on my wall as part of a collage I started but never finished, and then I thought about how people say you should always finish what you start.
Why couldn’t I get that habit instead of being addicted to coffee?


Tonight I’m watching ”Igby goes down” for the twentyseventeenth time. (yes, it's a favourite... perhaps watching se7en and prepair myself for next week might be a better idea.)

Igby wonders:
”If heaven is such a wonderful place then how come being crucified is such a big fucking sacrifice?”
And that my friends also is a very good question.

Benrik diaries - Deus ex machine

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin?
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my privates. There really is nothing like a shorn labium... it's breathtaking - I highly suggest you try it.



That’s that…
Moving on to the here and now.

Work:
I’ve been spending an amount of time catching up on important papers and decisions made.
Some people in this county are blood-thirsty, ambitious and very happy nowdays since they’re gaining in power by overthrowing the slower, more narrow-minded people with the use of techniques the old folks can’t even learn to spell.
Well, that's my personal interpetaition anyway - leading my mind to linger around the subject of power for a while. However I’m not going to write a lengthy essay about it.

Strange thought at 10:14:
I had a yoghurt called “Love” for breakfast and looked at the declaration, it said strawberry-chocolate-chilli. There was no mention of milk. Isn’t milk a basic ingredient for many things, especially yoghurt?

Tasking:
My Master Mr. T is a very humble person - it doesn’t come naturally for him to order me around.
My only duty consists in fetching him coffee, but every time he asks me for it he adds some comment about “No, I really could get it myself”, followed by a nervous giggle.
Today I informed him that one of the benefits of being a slave-owner is the possibility of selling a slave to someone else (if he feels he can’t make good use of me he might as well gain something else from the ownership).
So he tried selling me to Åsa for 1 sek.
She wasn’t interested in buying and I’m a little offended I’m not worth more.

Revelation of the day:
A deus ex machine really is a very handy thing. : )


Have a really good one…

Benrik diaries - Soda-life

I've noticed that being food-poisoned or having throw-up-in-the-winter disease makes you feel bubbly all over.

I've been sleeping for a solid 12 hours.

In one of the dreams I perticipated in Annika Lantz radio-show.
She's the sharpest brain south of Kiruna and I thought things were going really well. I was quite witty.
She just asked me to sum things up when the phone rang and I woke up.

So I never got around to summing things up.

Benrik diaries - Mr. T

This is Mr. T.
He’s my master (after winning the slave-lottery fair and square).
As you can see he was very pleased this morning when I presented him with the certificate of ownership.


I asked if he was comfortable, needed coffee or anything. He said “No” and asked if it wasn’t time for some lunch instead. “Of course master”
I carried his food.
I served it.
I forgot to serve water. I also gave him a spoon instead of a fork (although he specifically asked for a spoon which I thought was odd, but since he’s my master I’m not in the position to question his spoon-use).
All of this made him somewhat upset, hence I apologized and promised to work harder in the future. (“Please don’t whip me master.”)
After lunch he accused me for sneaking away from the dishes. I again managed to escape whipping by pointing towards the grapes on his table, I had fetched them from the fruit-basket.
He was again satisfied.
Before leaving work mr. T left me a note saying i should use the night to rest "tomorrow's going to be a busy day!"
I might have been completly wrong in thinking that he would be easy to please.

Other benrik-related stuff. I sent my partner in crime a get well card as he seems to be under the ice, or "under the weather" as some foreign people say.

I truly am all about giving today.


Well what else?
2 friends disappointed me Friday. Not that I’m really hugely upset with them, it’s more a confirmation of something else. Like you feel when you meet friends you used to swing and have lots of fun with as a kid, and then you meet them again 15 years later and there are no swings around or no interest in swinging.
With this said, it doesn’t mean that either has given up the possibility of ever swinging again.


Laugh of the day:
TV-commentator saying: “At this point we do not understand French” about a very upset French down-hill skier, cursing away after failing to finish his race.

Benrik diaries - Aim to please

Due to the fact that I’ve been pretty open about my benrik tasking people around me have been getting involved, adding pressure on me in their own quest for amusement. Sometimes I wish I never said anything to begin with.

And then I could take the easy way out.


My co-worker asked me about next weeks benrik task.
I answered: It’s slave-week…
“How are you gonna do that one?”
“Well, I figure I’m going to write down some people’s names on paper, draw one and become a slave.” (Not much to it.)
Then she got this very diabolic look in her eyes and now I fear her.


Possible slave-owners:

A - Slavery would probably include: Threading pearls, buying stuff at panduro, renting movies, making tea (especially since she’s been down with a cold the last couple of days), massage and buying wine.

J - Slavery would probably include: Buying groceries, doing dishes, lighting his cigarettes, buy him lunch.

Å - Slavery would probably include: Demands on me quitting some nasty habits, massage + fetch lots of copies.

T - Slavery would probably include: Making jokes and coffee + keeping out of the way.

O - Slavery would probably include: Worshiping, get him beer and food, remind him to work-out, perform plenty of air-drum-solos.


I'll draw a lucky master on Sunday.

First off Saturday. Going to Eva's tonight. Need to visit Systembolaget on my way.. am still lurking around in my pyjamas.

Benrik diaries - A lovely sweater and a few options

My co-worker wore this lovely sweater today and it got me into this really good mood. : )


After completing my task early I this week I got some extra time to think about some real-life tasks and options. (random-day-to-day thoughts.)

Options:
- Finnish my degree
- New job
- Brain-surgery
- Career
- Find meaning of life

- I’m leaning towards the degree-thing. Am going to the guidance-counsellor to explore further.
Down-side of this is economics, I could go somewhere else to study and that would lower my costs. Or study half time but that would obviously take twice the time.

- Find a new job, maybe a new place all together. Sometimes I’m thinking Dublin (as I can’t redo Prague, it wouldn’t be the same).
This would be a fun thing to do but not leading anywhere else besides yet another bonus on the experience account. (Well, like most things.)

- Brain surgery, for this one I just have to make an initial phone-call and be on my way. 08-320 100.
Need to check up eventual down-sides of a brain surgery. I don’t want to end up like Jack Nicholson in ”one flew…” do I?

- Work harder at what I do, get more involved and put some effort into my career(?)
Truth is, sometimes I get a real high and a feeling that what I do really makes a difference, that I’m an essential part of something bigger and that things would fall to pieces if I didn’t do it. That's a good feeling.

- Find meaning of life.
This would take a course in mathematics (my least favourite subject) then I would have to make some kind of calculation. And not just a regular everyday-kind-of-calculation like all the others. No, we’re talking a very BIG and extremely BOMBASTIC calculation with plenty of X:s and Y:s that would take you from one side of the problem to the other and back again, several times!
Oh yes, a calculation so grand that it would take enormous amounts of time to think about, both how to get to the answer and then how to interpret, adjust and adapt the answer to reality. Might take forever.

Just thinking…

Benrik diaries - My true opposite

First off I'd like to thank Yrla, Yrla Virvelpike (pige?) for recomending me Kim Hiorthöy. I've fallen in love with "This record can not set me on fire".
9 minutes of pure pleasure.

Secondly - attracting my opposite-tasking.
Mission completed as I got one reply.
"Here I am" he said and further confirmed his oppositeness by adding that he's taller than me and blonde!
He surely must be my opposite.
And I his.

Thirdly:
Lots to do. I'm beat.
What I really want to do is soak in my tub, pointlessly watch the Olympic games or any of the movies J and S lend me.

Benrik diaries - Advertising Space

I'm not really in the mood for charming, dating or pressing up against another so I've been thinking about ways to escape this one.
Then realized it's just about attracting the opposite, nothing else.
I decided to advertise and if anyone answers that equals successful tasking.

To know who's an opposite of you must first know who you are. (Forgive me for not following the benrik-hints here. The list was amusing but not very practical.)

So:
"Seeking: Neat/tidy, athletic man from the country-side, with an interest in engines. I don't mind if you like cats, Westlife and *Kåldolmar!"

It was published today in "City".

Am uncertain and don't think that anyone will "buy" into it. It’s so obviously a prank right? But then I asked a couple of (very amused) friends and they thought there would be enough loonies out there for some of them to answer.
"You're anonyms right?"
Of course I am.


Please give me some credit for this one.


(*Kåldolmar is a very distasteful-cabbage-food)

Benrik diaries - How to fold a dog

The fact that I oversleep everyday is something everyone's learned to live with, accept and adjust to.
Everyone but my dentist.
A couple of weeks ago I got a wintery postcard saying I was welcomed there at 8 o'clock Friday, 9th of February.
Talk about some heavy tasking.
I got to bed at 2.30 am.
I got up at 7.30!
(It might have something to do with the launching of my secret weapon earlier this week.)

In early December on a Saturday I decided to join my dog-loving friend to a dog show. She said that she'd pick me up at 6.45 am. I didn't say anything actually (took it as a challenge). "But you better call me a couple of minutes before, just to make sure I'm awake".
Said and done. Saturday came. I woke up. Got descent. And lied on the bed (fell asleep again) until she called.
"Are you awake?"
"Yes!" (of course)
"How do you feel?"
"Shocked, but alive."
That's almost how I felt this morning. (The dog-show itself is another story.)

Anyway I went to the dentist (where I found an angry father with two kids).
The dentist didn't find anything.
She thought I took really good care of my teeth and that's almost a skill isn't it?
(going to the dentist is really expensive in Sweden.)


Yesterday I had cake at Lisas surprice party.
I've never been to a surprise-party before, only seen it in movies and read about it - people dying of heart-attack, getting caught with their lover and killing "burglars". Need I say my expectations were high.
This was my experience:
- Objective sat down and didn't know quite what to say.
- Lots of candy.
- A few un-easy conversations.
- Discolight.
- Some coffee.


Newspaper this morning:
"All the regular TV-shows will now be replaced by some jocks playing in the snow."

Not that I mind too much.

Benrik diaries - February 7th

The morningbus was crowded.
One man couldn't get on and shouted "fuck you!" to the busdriver.
The man was really upset.
But I'm back to normal.
I continued reading my book.

I'm still reading "Expedition L" but am thinking about shifting to "All Families Are Psychotic". And I'm waiting for the book about 'deep throat' (watergate-thing) to get to paper back.
I sound like a book-worm.
Truth is I should read more.

A list of recomedeble books (no order):
- "The curious incident of the dog in the night-time" Mark Haddon
- "Dilledagboken" Juha Vuortinen
- "Naive. Super" or "Expedition L" Erlend Loe
- "Life of Pi" Yann Martell

Today me and my benrik-partner made 100 hearts together. 'Weeee' to us! : )
I must recomend you to read his blog (especially this week.. some great tasking going on).
I've decided to celebrate this with some beer and pool.

Cheers!

Benrik diaries - 2:2 February 6th

I’ve been in a low. Don’t know if I should talk about it or just focus on getting out of it.
I'm gonna do the later. (it just chemicals playing tricks on the brain anyways).


It’s theatre-night. That usually sets me in a good mood.
Fact: I need to practise on being more firm with my own ideas.
I’m gonna take some time to explain this:
Improvisational theatre is much about letting go of boundaries, take the first God damn thing that pops up in your head and go with it - we don’t have scripts just “games” and different techniques.
Also it’s about listening to others at the same time, since they’ve got ideas of their own and this way you build a scene, the ideas go back and forth and you never really know what’s gonna happen.
(There are of course a few other aspects to it in order to make a scene more interesting - spacework, storytelling, building a character).
I think I’m descent at spacework and I’m good at listening to other peoples ideas.
For tonight I’m gonna try building a character that’s not yet another version of me. (Perhaps someone from the future?)


I think I made the goal of getting 5 people to understand the greatness of Richard Cheese, or at least tolerate him.
Thursday I’m going to a birthday-party and ofcourse I’ve decided to give away a Cheesy CD (+ some wine). : )


Enjoy your night!

Benrik diaries - Travelling and time.

Well before trying to start tasking I decided to do some research (at wikipedia).

What is travel?
Travel is the transport of people on a trip or journey. Reasons for travel include:
- Tourism—travel for recreation. This may apply to the travel itself, or the travel may just be the necessary investment to arrive at a desired location.
- Visiting friends and family
- Trade
- Commuting–going to various routine activities, such as work or meetings.
- Migration—travel to begin life somewhere else; nomadic people do this
- Pilgrimages—travel for religious reasons
The word originates from the Middle English word travailen ("to toil"), which comes from the French word travailler ("travail").
(Travel or traveling is also a name applied to a specific violation in the game of basketball.)


What is Time? (I found many answers on this one and chose the physiological explanation.)
Different people may judge identical lengths of time quite differently. Time can "fly"; that is, a long period of time can seem to go by very quickly. Likewise, time can seem to "drag," as in when one performs a boring task. The psychologist Jean Piaget called this form of time perception "lived time".

Time appears to go fast when sleeping, or, to put it differently, time seems not to have passed while asleep. Time also appears to pass more quickly as one gets older. For example, a day for a child seems to last longer than a day for an adult. One possible reason for this is that with increasing age, each segment of time is an increasingly smaller percentage of the person's total experience.

Altered states of consciousness are sometimes characterised by a different estimation of time. Some psychoactive substances--such as entheogens--may also dramatically alter a person's temporal judgement.

In explaining his theory of relativity, Albert Einstein is often quoted as saying that although sitting next to a pretty girl for an hour feels like a minute, placing one's hand on a hot stove for a minute feels like an hour. This is intended to introduce the listener to the concept of the interval between two events being perceived differently by different observers.


I have to think about this for a while.

Benrik diaries - In training

Ode to Richard Cheese

Scobidedo
dejdi ei oohhhh.
Scibbe dibbe dej daah
Dubbe doh doooh.

Yeah!


To be quite honest cause-an-international-security-alert-week isn't going too well.
Instead I've decided to put myself into training for another week. (the week of worship and devotion to another person.)
I've selected Richard Cheese as my objective and I'm gonna spend my entire day preaching his greatness.
I'll consider the mission a success if I get at least 5 more people to like him.

Visit http://www.iloverichardcheese.com/ for more.
Download, buy and be amused (especially by his version of "stairway to heaven").

Benrik diaries - Ducks and stuff

It's been the two coldest days so far here. No need to go outside. Must be -20C or so. Why people in the beginning moved to this country I never will get.

The theory is this:
- They came during the summer.
- When first winter striked, they figured it was just a fluke and stayed on.
- It's after that everything gets blurry.
- Why I don't move away from here is even blurrier. Makes me feel stupid. In my defense I do like winter for about 2 months (the changing of seasons and all that) it's after that it gets painfull, right about now.
February is the coldest month of the year.

Haven't seen CIA during the entire weekend. Perhaps they're good Christians?!

Other: I got my couch and that made me happy, I also saw "walk the line" it was a bit dissapointing - I never did get when they fell i love, but I swear i didn't miss a single scene.
Now I'm off to take a warm bath.

Benrik diaries - Paranoia

Yester night when walking home I noticed that builders had begun adding those building- things outside my window.
Since I can remember getting any information about them starting any reconstruction-work this can only mean that CIA are on to me and our little fraction of CIA-security-testers.
Be very careful out there!

(I might add that this morning they woke me up talking loud, throwing very heavy things around them and shouting to each other. Isn’t that just like them?)
I'll try to post a picture later.


Yesterday: A colleague woke me up at 9 asking if I understood the directions he e-mailed me about Karolinska (big labyrinth-like hospital). I answered "Yes, I think I’ll find my way" but wondered quietly to myself why he called me at 9 about this, our presentation at this place wasn't supposed to be until tomorrow (today).
We talked some more about the enormous size of Karolinska and in the end we agreed that it was probably better if we meet up before, at the main-entrance. "Ok, I'll see you in half an hour then!"
I said: "Ok"
Half an hour???
FUCK.
The fact that I'm not the most together-person who's always at the right place, at the right time widely known by now (I guess that's why he called to check). So during the whole conversation I had a sneaky suspicion that this was yet another one of my little screw-ups.
I hopped into a cab, got there in time and had to pay 180:- for this one.
Later when I got back to work and checked my e-mails and calendar fact of the matter was that this actually wasn't my mistake - it was my colleagues who had sent me the wrong date, but since I initially “covered” for him (thinking it was me again) I feel I can't say anything about it. This will just add to my image of whimsy ness.
Aggravating.


Well am looking forward to winning the popquiz later tonight with the new teather-buddies, as well as having some well-deserved beer.