Benrik diaries - China is only mentioned in this title

First a qoute:

“What came first, the music or the misery?
People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss.
Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?”


So, I get 2 e-mails and he asks me if the address still works. I reply that it does and then I work.
After work - after-work.

Just before I get my triple sandwich he calls and tells me that he misses me and that he's been wanting to call me for a long time.
I'm sitting there... surrounded by co-workers. You might say it's not the perfect time for him to call.
I can't say that I've missed him either, it doesn't come naturally for me any more.

Oh.. but don't get me wrong here, sometimes I miss him dreadfully and sometimes I think that everything I do is distractions from thinking about all the ways I miss him.
You see I’m always very uncertain about the truth.

I could hear the stress in his voice, he wasn't well-prepared cause this was a phone-call he made without thinking. Usually he avoids making those kinds of phone-calls since he's the type that makes notes about what to say to the doctor before calling. To get everything right.
Yes, I still know him very well.
I said: Maybe we could talk some other time?
He said: Yes, I might call you some other day... whenever... you know.
- Mmm.. I know.
Whenever he calls I'm almost always right where he left me.
And these days I conclude this with much less sadness and stress then I used to.



I decided to make a mix CD instead, for the pool-place (since I’ve been spending so much time there I’ve grown tired of their bad music and decided to do something about it).
I figured these are good songs for playing pool, both for me and for people without any taste in music what so ever:

1. Haschpipe – weezer
2. Enter the dragon – infinite mass
3. Carmen queazy – maxim feat. Skin
4. Spoonman – soundgarden
5. Whole lotta love – ike & tina turner
6. Miss celie’s blues
7. Spooky – dusty springfield
8. In these shoes? – kirsty mccoll
9. I hate you – girlsmen
10. Magic mountain – eric burdon & war
11. Tighten up – archie bell & the drells
12. Kielbasa sausage – tenacious d
13. Plush – stone temple pilots
14. I don’t wanna be – gavin degraw
15. Sunday mondays – vanessa paradis
16. I drove all night – cindy lauper
17. I don’t care – transvision vamp
18. Hey, johnny park – foo fighters

I’ve always identified myself as a soul-babe. But making this I realized I’m much more punk-rock than I ever though.
Go figure. : )

I always get excited about making mixed CD’s (I almost mass-produce them). Although in the end, when I’m done I’m never happy with the result. It’s never perfect, it’s like a struggle towards the goal of making the perfect mixed CD which I never reach. In fact I'm never even close, and that’s why I do it all the time. Strange thing is that in my head before I've made the stupid thing I'm always certain that this time... "this time, it's gonna be bloody perferct."

I have a theory about the things we’re interested in, comparing most things with drugs.
- The flow you sometimes reach when you write something.
- The feeling after/during running a perfect 100 m race (now I don’t know anything about running 100 m, but I imagine it’s like a flow).
- A good days work (?)
Anyway, the kick would be similar right? And that’s most of the time what you’re looking for. Kicks and reaching a level of flow.

So, it’s Friday today… and maybe we'll meet a friend, and hopefully we’ll do something fun – have an extremely humorous and interesting conversation, watch a good movie, eat something nice, maybe meet other friends or new exciting people. Or we simply stay home, being happy with ourselfs.
…in a couple of days, if we had fun today we’d wanna do it again. So we keep at it. Or we try explore other ways to give life some meaning.

Is the sum of addictions a constant factor?
I'd really like to know.

I might get back to this subject in the future.


But back to that qoute.
When I read “High fidelity” I finally found a character that was almost like me, that felt good. So I read books hoping to stumble across another character to identify with, who might explain me in ways I myself haven't got words for.
(or objectiveness.)

Well,
[pause]
Anyway…

Gonna end todays blog with the given question; have you’ve ever identified yourself with a character in a movie or a book?
If so… who?

Have a fun filled and safe weekend with your drug of choice.


p.s. oh... Almost forgot to mention, I actually mailed the letter from my previous blog to the chinese consulate in sweden asking them to please forward it to Hu Jintao - haven't heard anything since tho...