1. Learn how to speak Frensh.This way no one will get what you're trying to say which enhances your're chances to get into a fight in the first place.
2. Be blue, (like the aliens in that "I'm blue, la-da-di-da-da-daa"-song or any of the smurfs).
3. Become a wizard and learn how to perform various magical trix.
4. Win the fight.