Benrik diaries - Ducks and stuff

It's been the two coldest days so far here. No need to go outside. Must be -20C or so. Why people in the beginning moved to this country I never will get.

The theory is this:
- They came during the summer.
- When first winter striked, they figured it was just a fluke and stayed on.
- It's after that everything gets blurry.
- Why I don't move away from here is even blurrier. Makes me feel stupid. In my defense I do like winter for about 2 months (the changing of seasons and all that) it's after that it gets painfull, right about now.
February is the coldest month of the year.

Haven't seen CIA during the entire weekend. Perhaps they're good Christians?!

Other: I got my couch and that made me happy, I also saw "walk the line" it was a bit dissapointing - I never did get when they fell i love, but I swear i didn't miss a single scene.
Now I'm off to take a warm bath.

Benrik diaries - Paranoia

Yester night when walking home I noticed that builders had begun adding those building- things outside my window.
Since I can remember getting any information about them starting any reconstruction-work this can only mean that CIA are on to me and our little fraction of CIA-security-testers.
Be very careful out there!

(I might add that this morning they woke me up talking loud, throwing very heavy things around them and shouting to each other. Isn’t that just like them?)
I'll try to post a picture later.


Yesterday: A colleague woke me up at 9 asking if I understood the directions he e-mailed me about Karolinska (big labyrinth-like hospital). I answered "Yes, I think I’ll find my way" but wondered quietly to myself why he called me at 9 about this, our presentation at this place wasn't supposed to be until tomorrow (today).
We talked some more about the enormous size of Karolinska and in the end we agreed that it was probably better if we meet up before, at the main-entrance. "Ok, I'll see you in half an hour then!"
I said: "Ok"
Half an hour???
FUCK.
The fact that I'm not the most together-person who's always at the right place, at the right time widely known by now (I guess that's why he called to check). So during the whole conversation I had a sneaky suspicion that this was yet another one of my little screw-ups.
I hopped into a cab, got there in time and had to pay 180:- for this one.
Later when I got back to work and checked my e-mails and calendar fact of the matter was that this actually wasn't my mistake - it was my colleagues who had sent me the wrong date, but since I initially “covered” for him (thinking it was me again) I feel I can't say anything about it. This will just add to my image of whimsy ness.
Aggravating.


Well am looking forward to winning the popquiz later tonight with the new teather-buddies, as well as having some well-deserved beer.

Benrik diaries - End of an era

Yesterday I bought a mp3 player.
First person I tell this to says: But they're no good, I promise you... it'll break within a year.
That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear.

Anyway, up until now (for the last 5 years) I've been very happy with my MD. We've been trough allot so now that I have to abandon him (yes it's a "he") I actually feel a bit empty and sad inside.
It's the end of an era I tell you.
But I’ll always cherish the memory of how he used to bright up my dullest moments with music - when walking down the street - when standing around waiting.
"I am the walrus" always fit these pictures perfect.
So I'm gonna name the new little fellow "Eggman".
He reminds me of an egg.

I've managed to squeeze in 4 of the codewords into a text-conversation I had:
Twin Towers, Terrorism, CIA and Guantanamo.

Other: Got a e-mail from one of my friends in Prague. Felt up-cheered, but at the same time down-cheered since it made me want to go there badly which is impossible right now.

Benrik diaries - En sammanfattning

Went to a club.
I don't like clubs anymore.
Actually I didn't like clubs to begin with - they never really stood a fighting chance.
100 kronor and 45 minutes wasted.
I used their bathroom in return.


Gonna colour my hair.
I've actually thought about becoming a brunette, since I'm not sure that I live up to the expectations of being a red-head. (or maybe it's the people who approach you a cerain way based on the idea of you, judging from your appearence.)
They think we're more wild and wacky than other people.
Sometimes we're more wild and wacky than other people.
Sometimes we're looking for the exit-sign. Just like everybody else.


J got lucky Saturday! : )
He called me on his way home (all smiles) and later he popped by for a movie.
He said he's gonna call her, she was nice, then he said that he's gonna think about it some more, only to 15 minutes after saying so ask me for suggestions on stuff to do on a 1st date (or 2nd... whatever...).
(Walking, beer, Liljevalchs.)
Later, when he had gone I almost called up to tell him not to wait too long with that phone-call.
- You should never wait too long, cause good things doesn't come to those who wait, it's a complete lie (no matter what they tell you).
(Besides, he has to compensate from breaking the first phone-rule. Being: always say “Maybe we could exchange phone numbers?” not “Maybe I could have your phone number and call you sometime.”)


Haven't gotten around to any tasking.
I just woke up from a meeting.

Benrik diaries - China is only mentioned in this title

First a qoute:

“What came first, the music or the misery?
People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss.
Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?”


So, I get 2 e-mails and he asks me if the address still works. I reply that it does and then I work.
After work - after-work.

Just before I get my triple sandwich he calls and tells me that he misses me and that he's been wanting to call me for a long time.
I'm sitting there... surrounded by co-workers. You might say it's not the perfect time for him to call.
I can't say that I've missed him either, it doesn't come naturally for me any more.

Oh.. but don't get me wrong here, sometimes I miss him dreadfully and sometimes I think that everything I do is distractions from thinking about all the ways I miss him.
You see I’m always very uncertain about the truth.

I could hear the stress in his voice, he wasn't well-prepared cause this was a phone-call he made without thinking. Usually he avoids making those kinds of phone-calls since he's the type that makes notes about what to say to the doctor before calling. To get everything right.
Yes, I still know him very well.
I said: Maybe we could talk some other time?
He said: Yes, I might call you some other day... whenever... you know.
- Mmm.. I know.
Whenever he calls I'm almost always right where he left me.
And these days I conclude this with much less sadness and stress then I used to.



I decided to make a mix CD instead, for the pool-place (since I’ve been spending so much time there I’ve grown tired of their bad music and decided to do something about it).
I figured these are good songs for playing pool, both for me and for people without any taste in music what so ever:

1. Haschpipe – weezer
2. Enter the dragon – infinite mass
3. Carmen queazy – maxim feat. Skin
4. Spoonman – soundgarden
5. Whole lotta love – ike & tina turner
6. Miss celie’s blues
7. Spooky – dusty springfield
8. In these shoes? – kirsty mccoll
9. I hate you – girlsmen
10. Magic mountain – eric burdon & war
11. Tighten up – archie bell & the drells
12. Kielbasa sausage – tenacious d
13. Plush – stone temple pilots
14. I don’t wanna be – gavin degraw
15. Sunday mondays – vanessa paradis
16. I drove all night – cindy lauper
17. I don’t care – transvision vamp
18. Hey, johnny park – foo fighters

I’ve always identified myself as a soul-babe. But making this I realized I’m much more punk-rock than I ever though.
Go figure. : )

I always get excited about making mixed CD’s (I almost mass-produce them). Although in the end, when I’m done I’m never happy with the result. It’s never perfect, it’s like a struggle towards the goal of making the perfect mixed CD which I never reach. In fact I'm never even close, and that’s why I do it all the time. Strange thing is that in my head before I've made the stupid thing I'm always certain that this time... "this time, it's gonna be bloody perferct."

I have a theory about the things we’re interested in, comparing most things with drugs.
- The flow you sometimes reach when you write something.
- The feeling after/during running a perfect 100 m race (now I don’t know anything about running 100 m, but I imagine it’s like a flow).
- A good days work (?)
Anyway, the kick would be similar right? And that’s most of the time what you’re looking for. Kicks and reaching a level of flow.

So, it’s Friday today… and maybe we'll meet a friend, and hopefully we’ll do something fun – have an extremely humorous and interesting conversation, watch a good movie, eat something nice, maybe meet other friends or new exciting people. Or we simply stay home, being happy with ourselfs.
…in a couple of days, if we had fun today we’d wanna do it again. So we keep at it. Or we try explore other ways to give life some meaning.

Is the sum of addictions a constant factor?
I'd really like to know.

I might get back to this subject in the future.


But back to that qoute.
When I read “High fidelity” I finally found a character that was almost like me, that felt good. So I read books hoping to stumble across another character to identify with, who might explain me in ways I myself haven't got words for.
(or objectiveness.)

Well,
[pause]
Anyway…

Gonna end todays blog with the given question; have you’ve ever identified yourself with a character in a movie or a book?
If so… who?

Have a fun filled and safe weekend with your drug of choice.


p.s. oh... Almost forgot to mention, I actually mailed the letter from my previous blog to the chinese consulate in sweden asking them to please forward it to Hu Jintao - haven't heard anything since tho...

QX diaries - A Piece

Piis of majnd. (eh...no that's not right)
Pees of mijnd (shit.)
peas of maind (fuck, fuck, fuck!)

Peace of mind (hell yeah!)

Benrik diaries - Open letter to Hu Jintao

I've been really tired, don't know if it's from the yoga, or the fact that I haven't recovered from the walk yesternight when i missed the last subway and had to walk all the way from Odenplan to Slussen.
Of course I oversleept heavily this morning and tonight i didn't do anything at all for a change. (except food, cleaned out parts of my closet, listening to dusty springfield and made two phonecalls.)
I'm not gonna do my Qi Gong tonight, I need to rest.
Instead I've written a letter to Hu Jinatao to compensate. (since I haven't had any rice today either). Gonna try mailing it tomorrow.
Tomorrow's payday... Yihaa... I need cash badly. : )


Here's the letter:

Greatings your excellency, mr Hu Jintao,

First of all I want to welcome you as my new leader. I am quite certain that the new way of the world is for the better so don’t let George put you down too much about it.
Still, I’ve got a few questions for you.
Will the new rule increase or decrease the quality of movies?
Do you like movies?
If you like movies maybe we could have a movie-night you and me some time when you ain’t got other things to do! Of course being as you are the new leader of my country my home is your home. You're always welcome, however does the new ruler ship mean that I really have to kill Dalai Lama if I see him? Or is it enough if I call for a police-officer?
Have you ever met Dalai Lama?
I saw him in the globe when I was 17 when he came to talk to students. He likes movies by the way, so maybe you could become friends anyway (if you like movies I mean).
If you’re ever coming by for a movie-night maybe we could invite him to come along as well, what do you think?
Also I’m pretty good with the wok so I could make us something good to eat.
Which leads me up to my next question, which rice do you prefer? Basmati, jasmine or Uncle Bens?
And how would you grade the following:
- Learning mandarin
- Becoming a good communist
- Saving cute animals from extinction

I’m also curious about if you ever feel scared? Sometimes I get scared, so it’s ok with me if you do get scared. I know the feeling.

Last but not least, I wonder if you really remembered to mail me Mao’s book? It hasn’t arrived yet.

Yours truly,
B


P.S. Xīn nián hăo!